Since this is my first post on a new blog I thought it might be helpful to offer a bit of a background of who I am and how a wild, rebellious and sometimes hard-headed boy like me eventually came to embrace the Dharma in a serious way.
For a general orientation about Vajra Vehicle (i.e. this blog), see the About section.
I guess at some level I have always had a searching heart. I recall when, as a young boy around 3 or 4 years old, my mother was putting me to bed and I asked her,
‘Momma, how do I know if this is the real world or if the dream world is the real world?’
Mom didn’t have an answer, she just smiled in that kind way of hers and told me not to worry, and to think ‘good thoughts’. She did her best and I am thankful for that. Yet, the riddle was not solved and my young and ever curious mind was not satisfied. Even back then I wanted to know. My very active dream life started me asking questions like this. How can I tell what was real? Were my dreams illusions, just phantasmagoria playing itself out in my mind? What about the waking state? Was that real or just an illusion? The disposition that brought me to ask these questions to my very patient and loving mother didn’t go away. In fact, it grew stronger and stronger as I began to come of age. I realized Mom didn’t know so I began to look elsewhere. I read like a fiend. Anything I could get my hands on – books on mythology, philosophy, psychology, Christianity, Hinduism, Kabblah, Hermeticism, Witchcraft, Satanism, Sufism, Gnosticism, Thelema, Chaos Magick, Shamanism, Theosophy, Vodou, Taoism, Buddhism…you name it, I’ve probably looked into it at some point. Some of these paths have stuck with me even now. Many have not.
I also did more than just read. I began to explore. I began to get my feet wet, to test the waters so to speak. My search has always been more than a mere academic curiosity. I mean, how else would I know if something worked besides actually trying it out? And ‘trying it out’ I did. This motivation led me through many experiences, some of which were sublime, some of which…not so much. Yet I do not regret any of my searching ways as they have all – in one form or another – brought me to where I am now.
So where am I now?
A funny question that.
Yeah, where am I?
No, really, where am I?
Continued in part 2…